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Scavengers (2013) @ Space Soldiers

"So... is something gonna happen in this movie sometime soon or what?"

At a glance:
"Shit, boss. This space suit makes my perineum itch."
Whenever a DVD has an extraneous promo sticker on the box, you know you're in trouble. This one says "Sci-Fi-Horror in style of Event Horizon". If you read that and still bought it, then you have nobody to blame except your silly self. For Travis Zariwny's Scavengers a.k.a. Space Soldiers, I aligned my expectations to accommodate a low budget sci-fi yarn, thinkin it oughtta be somewhat fun but cheap and instantly forgettable like last year's Lockout (2012) starrin Guy Pearce, maybe with more chicks in sweaty space apparel to compensate and much lousier editin. The synopsis reads: A team of space scavengers discovers superior alien technology that threatens the balance of the known universe. Hotly pursued by a rival crew of intergalactic mercenaries, the Revelator crew must fight through the deepest reaches of space to locate and protect the life-altering device.
"If you'd just open the shower door,
we could kiss for real, you know."
Bad news on the doorstep:
Half an hour into the movie, I could no longer continue. It had the most banal tech talk, which droned on and on. The characters and the performances are desperate. There is nothin worth investin in.
Amacam joker, berapa bintang lu mau kasi?
Ain't it absolutely shockin that filmmakers can actually forget that a movie is supposed to be entertainin? Awful movie.

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